feeling defeated

This is another rant. So, read at your own risk. I'm really irritable right now.

 I'm tired, frustrated, feel a bit used and abused, and I want a vacation.

I know there are lot of people who are in harder situations than myself, and I am not comparing myself to them. I am comparing myself to my normal life and it is just a little off kilter.

 Caleb has had mandatory training this week as well as guard, plus his regular 48 hour week, so he has worked 80 hours. Cole has had a cough, has been up almost every night for several hours, and has very whiny attitude. Amelia cut a tooth. I also worked 2 shifts this week and because of Caleb's training, I had to find childcare-- just adding to the list of my to-do's.

I really am just tired. I would really like a break from the disobedient, and smart talking 5 year old. I would enjoy sleeping without bringing a baby into bed to nurse first thing in the morning. I would really like to be able to go to the gym and get out some of my aggression.

 I'm doing the race to Robie Creek in 2 weeks and because of this week, I haven't been able to train but 1 time. I am so stinking nervous and feeling totally derailed at the fact that I haven't been able to go exercise. They call it the toughest half marathon for a reason. I know I've got 2 weeks, so I can potentially get to the gym and run outside every day from here on out, but I'm just feeling a bit trapped and without much help from my exhausted hubby.

 So, there you have it. It is Sunday at noon, I'm still in my pj's and I'm hoping this giant cup of coffee kicks in soon.

Milk

So, I'm a nursing momma and have a sweet little one who loves it! I don't plan on stopping until she's perhaps 18 months. I think it is the best thing for her and so good for both of us. One of my very closest friends is a foster momma and she just got a darling baby boy delivered to her doorstep at a wee age of 3 days. I am thrilled for them to love this sweet baby for as long as God allows (hopefully forever) and know what I can help with. She has a baby and I have milk. So, I'm pumping milk for her to give this beautiful baby who otherwise would never get the opportunity to drink what God intended babies to drink. I am taking supplements to help produce more milk and I'm drinking a ton more water. Any suggestions would be awesome! I know I won't be able to fully supply him with milk, but even a bottle a day would be fantastic. Please pray for this sweet little guy and for my friend and her family who are all learning to love him.

It has been a while

Lots of life has happened in these last few months that I have neglected my blog. I think I just didn't have inspiration. Not that I have tons right now, but spring is starting to peek out everywhere I look and that has a way of making my soul feel full again. We have an exuberant 5 year old now and a very sweet 9 month old. They are delightful to be around and in many ways, adding a child has actually made life easier. Cole is so helpful and Amelia is so much fun- I just can't imagine life without these two people. Cole is learning to read and loving it! He sounds out every sign he sees and sits down with board book and reads them to Amelia (ok, sometimes he makes up the stories!). He is busy, busy, busy! He loves to dig in the dirt, ride his scooter, play in his tree fort, watch tv, and still loves to sit for hours and build Lego creations. He goes to the best Montessori school for preschool and we have decided to keep him there next year as well. I am excited to see how he will continue to learn once he is going everyday. He and I have made some pretty big plans for this summer-- we are going to go swimming at the public pool once a week and go to the park another day during the week, then he plans on spending the rest of it with the neighbor kids. It should be a fun and relaxing summer-- I'll just need to stock up on snacks for the neighborhood! Haha Amelia is one very content baby (or maybe she is just lazy!). She is happy to sit on the floor and play with the toys around her. She is not very interested in crawling and hasn't even thought of pulling herself up onto the furniture. That is what we are here for-- to meet her every need. I don't, but Cole has such a loving and helpful heart towards his sis that when she cries, he's right there giving her comfort or a toy or a binky. I'm sure she will crawl soon, and at the moment I'm enjoying my happy sitting baby! This year is a big one for Caleb and me. Caleb turned 30 in January and I have officially dated or been married to him in 3 decades! That's pretty amazing to me. We celebrated with a smallish party at our house with good food and good beer. We will celebrate our 10 year anniversary this summer and Caleb is in charge of planning it... I'm hoping he does something really fun. I'm not sure what to expect, but he knows I'm expectant. So, feel free to remind him that he's got to plan something good! And as for me, I am training for the race to Robie Creek on April 20. It is the toughest half marathon in the west with about 10 miles being uphill. I'm spending about 3 days a week running/walking at the gym and have seen my endurance go up quite a bit. I have also hit the trail with the people I am going to be racing with and have seen for myself what it is going to take to make it. It is going to be hard. I am excited and a bit nervous. I am doing everything in my power and ability to be ready for this thing. I have no idea how much I'll be able to run on race day, but I do know I will finish the race. Even if I'm last, I'm ok with that because I will have proven to myself that I can do it. Ok, so there's the update on us. I hope you all are doing well.

On turning 28

Tomorrow I turn 28. It's sort of weird, because I feel like I'm still 17. I guess that might never go away. It's a big birthday for me. On this birthday I am older than my big brother ever got. I know the official date was back in May, but as he was 27 when he died and I've been 27 all year, if feels like for a short while we were the same age. Now, I'm older. Last year I was mournful about my birthday. It seemed wrong to become the age he never grew older than. A whole year later, it seems like time. It's time for me to step into 28. So, tomorrow I look forward to being a bit older than him, and enjoying my life with my two kids and wonderful husband. Here's to birthdays and celebrating and growing older!

Sitting around

So, to recap from this week. Sitting around and watching tv, sitting around and nursing (very carefully), sitting around and surfing the web, laying in bed and sleeping, laying on the couch and sleeping, laying on the couch and watching tv, eating bowls of soup and plates of salad.

The end.

Gallbladder is Gone

Yesterday I went in for lapriscopic surgery to remove my gallbladder. Everything went really well. The doctor told Caleb that I had hundreds of stones. Many of them were the size of the previously lodged stones which gave me so much trouble back in March. So, it was a good thing we decided to remove my gallbladder. The main reason we decided to go through with the surgery was because there was a high chance of a stone becoming lodged and causing pancreantitus again and much worse, potentially life long problems such as diabetes.

With my current low fat diet I haven't had very many symptoms, but the fear of pancreantitus was always in my thoughts.

Now I don't have to live in fear! What a huge relief. I honestly can't imagine being able to eat without that constant worry. It has been a very long 5 months and I am thankful to be putting this time behind me.

Please be praying for a quick recovery. I am in a lot of pain and am feeling nervous about Caleb's return to work on Thursday. My stomach feels like part of my guts were taken out (Caleb says I must be in touch with my body, since that's about what happened).

Thanks for all your prayers and encouragement these last 2 days.

On a side note, Amelia is trying to suck her thumb which is super cute!!

Back to School

It is that time of year where pencils are pretty and the pouches are even better. Where cute folders are on display all over and backpacks and lunch boxes are themed. This is the start of the jean season and close toed shoes.

That is, for everyone else.

This year, is the first year in many, where September means nothing different. I will wear flip flops until it grows cold, I don't need to purchase any pencils or folders, school books are replaced with novels and backpacks are for travel.

Next year will be kindergarten for Cole and we will be back at the shopping and transition. However, this year we are happy to be doing the same thing next week as we did last (well, sort of, because next week I'm having gallbladder removal surgery, so it'll be an interesting week).

Anyway, we're enjoying the crisper evenings and love the idea of sitting down with a cup of coffee to read a fun book!